Kimberly Seltzer is a dating and makeover expert, speaker, blogger, therapist, and coach. She is the host of the podcast The Charisma Quotient and the owner of Kimmyseltzer.com. Kimmy has helped hundreds of people find lasting love and connection and build valuable relationships using her unique “confidence makeover” process.
Where did you grow up and what was your childhood like? Did you have any particular experiences/stories that shaped your adult life?
I grew up in a suburb of Chicago, IL. I had an extremely happy childhood filled with play, family love, and exploration. My favorite childhood memories were spending my summers at our second home in Michigan. It was special because it was a beautiful time where I cultivated friendships, had my first job as a camp counselor, and loved the sense of freedom it provided during my formative years. It was my training as a counselor that catapulted me into my passion for helping others that would later become my career.
What is something you wish you would’ve realized earlier in your life?
To not get caught up in perfection paralysis. I used to wait until things were a certain way until I would take action or launch. I now see the value in just starting something and it’s the speed of implementation that gets you success. There is NO such thing as being perfect or “failing”. There are only experiences that build towards success.
What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?
I think in the coaching and therapy world there is a tendency to think that one modality is the right way of helping someone. I believe it takes a village and using a more holistic approach in shifting people. One size does NOT fit all.
Tell me about one of the darker periods you’ve experienced in life. How you came out of it and what you learned from it?
For more than a decade, as a licensed therapist, I taught individuals to work on themselves from the inside out. But then I experienced a personal transformation that flipped that script and changed the way I help people today. Years ago, as a young mom of two during the time I was a traditional therapist, I was blindsided by divorce. There was a period of time where I literally couldn’t get out of bed, let alone out of my own way. I wore enormous oversized maternity clothes and did everything I could to not be seen.
Until one day, I woke up and looked in the mirror, and I was horrified by what I saw. Before me was a sad, frumpy mom who couldn’t get out of her own way. And here I was a therapist…I should know better. I had a ton of counseling myself, a great support system but I still felt stuck. Inside out…hogwash! I was standing completely still in analysis paralysis. I needed movement. I needed action.
Deciding it was time for a change, I went shopping and was encouraged to try on something completely out of my comfort zone…a red dress that looked like it was three sizes too small. But the personal shopper assured me that it was my color and it was my size. So I tried it on like Cinderella, twirled around, and looked in the mirror, and bam. This was what I call my “red dress moment” where everything shifted for me. Seeing myself dressed that way–in clothing that actually fit my body and in a color that was to be seen. This was me. But I had to see it in order to believe it to create action and build my confidence.
And after years of working with women and men from all backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs, what I learned is that confidence is gained faster when you approach it from the outside in. How you are showing up externally can literally shift how you view yourself, and in turn, how others view you.
I believe confidence is at the core of achieving our desires through experience and action. It’s the gateway to love, prosperity, and ultimately, happiness. Through my products, programs, and coaching, I help people build confidence from the outside in–to find the love of their life, to conquer their social fears, to finally love themselves. And from that framework, I help people with my unique Charisma Quotient formula, implementing targeted style, emotional and social intelligence to people’s lives.
What is one thing that you do that you feel has been the biggest contributor to your success so far?
Perseverance and building a strong network are 2 key elements that have helped me build my career. I was trained as a therapist but I didn’t know how to build a business. Putting myself out there, asking a lot of questions, and also making strong connections with good people all helped me get to where I am today.
What is your morning routine?
I get up at around 7:30 am, get dressed, and eat breakfast. I allow myself a good hour to relax and have my coffee to set the intentions of the day. I then exercise after that so that I can clear my mind and move my body. I feel that really helps me focus before sitting down to do my work.
What habit or behavior that you have pursued for a few years has most improved your life?
Daily exercise. I can’t live without it. I feel it clears my mind, relaxes my body, and helps me focus.
What are your strategies for being productive and using your time most efficiently?
Keeping a routine and structure throughout the day. I like to use my calendar both for personal activities and business stuff to keep me accountable, but I also think it’s super important to insert free time in between the tasks. I will often “reward” myself with breaks or fun things after the completion of projects too.
What book(s) have influenced your life the most? Why?
A book that influenced me in my earlier years was The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. It was the first book that highlighted the idea of how things happen for a reason and how to make connections among the events happening in my life. I’ve used this philosophy throughout my business career and relationships with the notion of using experiences to create new ones and how new, positive energy can form from that
Do you have any quotes you live by or think of often?
Good things come to those who wait. It’s a quote that I use often, especially in the current days of instant gratification. I’ve found that everything I’ve accomplished in my life hasn’t come without a period of nurturance, patience, and perseverance. Waiting also makes the end goal so much more rewarding.