Laurie Handlers is a sex educator, author, sex and happiness coach, and entrepreneur. She designs and delivers training programs to individuals, companies, and government agencies. She is the Owner and Entrepreneur at LaurieHandlers.com, where she and her group of coaches help their clients attain personal growth and transformation.
Where did you grow up and what was your childhood like? Did you have any particular experiences/stories that shaped your adult life?
I grew up in the suburbs of New York City on Long Island. My childhood seemed Idyllic and still seems that way compared to stories from my friends. However, my parents could never agree on the way to raise their kids so they gave mixed messages all the time. I often feel that I raised myself. I had to give myself all the direction I had. I didn’t feel connected to any adult role models until I was mentored in graduate school. The biggest lesson from this has become Boundaries – I learned how to set boundaries and I teach others how to set them.
What is something you wish you would’ve realized earlier in your life?
I wish I would have realized just how powerful my vital life force that is my sexual energy is. Not only did I spend years developing respect for my orgasm and pleasure, but I also see countless women of all ages who leave their sexual energy untouched because they’ve been shamed. Sexual energy can be harnessed as a way to power their lives. It’s part of my life’s work to help people open that backup and feel ALIVE again by connecting with their sexual energy, their vital life force.
What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?
People say that you need a partner to practice unleashing your sexual power but it’s actually the opposite. I teach people to take responsibility for the power in their own sexual pleasure. Take the metaphor of a flower for instance. Once it does the work to open, the bees come to enjoy their beauty. The bees do not open the flowers. This is true for both men and women.
Tell me about one of the darker periods you’ve experienced in life. How you came out of it and what you learned from it?
During many of my earlier years, I was angry. I had no idea why. I still don’t. But when I started studying Sacred Sexuality, I was told to embrace myself totally so that included my anger. In those studies, I learned tools for emotional release. I began to practice every single day and after six months, I had no more storage of anger in my body. So, rather than shaming myself for it, I embraced and expressed it. And eventually, it dissipated. I figured out that anger informs me of when my boundaries have been violated and that if I do not put boundaries into place, I will continue to be angry. I also do not have to act on the anger. I can express and release it and then communicate my truth, my boundaries. This works so much better.
What is one thing that you do that you feel has been the biggest contributor to your success so far?
I speak my truth. People know they can trust me because I am not BS. There are so many people who withhold their feelings, their concern, their joy, their WHATEVER in the world because they’re afraid of what people will think of them. At this point, I don’t care. My truth can be seen as caustic or cold. It’s delivered plainly and if people have an issue with that, I’m here to work through it with them. . . and you know what? Nine times out of ten it makes us closer. We both gain an understanding of each other and are able to deepen the relationship in TRUTH. This is what I teach people how to do in a world where most people diminish themselves in order to not cause trouble.
What is your morning routine?
I wake up at 8 am and drink hot water mixed with apple cider vinegar. Then, at least 6 days per week, I get outside and workout. I either lift free weights followed by swimming laps in my pool or I do a cardio workout to a video. In the winter months, instead of swimming, I hike up a small mountain after weight lifting.
What habit or behavior that you have pursued for a few years has most improved your life?
For over a decade I have pursued super longevity or radical life extension. I practice intermittent fasting and supplementation with many health supplements plus experimental drugs such as stem cells and NAD+. My life has improved tremendously from this. I interrupt my thoughts about aging by planning to live rather than planning to die like most people over 60. And that led me to begin writing my second book Sex & Happiness Over 60 – It Only Gets Better!
What are your strategies for being productive and using your time most efficiently?
I’ve spent many years a bit on the lone-ranger side professionally. Lately (last 6-7 years), I have confronted some of my apprehension about working on teams and learned to delegate as well. I work in teams now working together to share our best ideas on how to make a difference in the world. It can be difficult sometimes to take my hands off the wheel and trust another person’s work, but the results have been amazing, and working together has been paying off magnificently. Expansion!
What book(s) have influenced your life the most? Why?
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: This book is an absolute staple for modern character building and a necessary foundation for teaching people that they can transform their lives through pleasure. Living a solid basis of being impeccable with one’s word, not taking anything personally, not making assumptions, and always doing your best is, believe it or not, the bedrock of great communication and sex.
Do you have any quotes you live by or think of often?
On Abbey Road, The Beatles ended their last suite with the words “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” To me, apart from being the breathtaking harmonic climax, it points to a divine symmetry to love and also to take personal responsibility. They were right. We’re here to MAKE love – in all kinds of ways and we’re also here to receive it. I don’t know if they meant to point to such wisdom in that line or not, but I believe that learning to both create and receive love is a worthwhile and life-long pursuit.