Where did you grow up and what was your childhood like? Did you have any particular experiences/stories that shaped your adult life?

I grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan—an island of millions all colluding that stress is a good thing.

I remember being in the supermarket hearing a man in his mid-fifties trying to get a woman’s attention. He exclaims, “Excuse me.” When she doesn’t immediately turn, he says again, louder with some disdain, “Excuse me.” Finally realizing he is speaking to her, she turns. He glares and continues with great indignation: “Excuse me, that’s my cart.” It seems she inadvertently, as people all do, used his cart. (Who intentionally takes someone else’s cart?) I thought, “My God, I hope I can manage to always be tolerant of people’s mistakes.”

What is something you wish you would’ve realized earlier in your life?

I realized I learn the most when I make mistakes, and yet, simultaneously, I realized I strive not to make mistakes or be vulnerable.

I wish I had allowed myself more failures.

What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?

I hear people having a hard time saying, “But I shouldn’t complain—there are people with it much worse than me.” I call not giving ourselves permission to feel bad “spiritual self-violence.”

We would be wise to be kind to ourselves.

Tell me about one of the darker periods you’ve experienced in life. How you came out of it and what you learned from it?

At the end of 2019, I found myself, from time to time, overcome by strong emotions. I would sometimes have to pull the car over to the side of the road and just spontaneously cry. My therapist recommended meds—which did the trick of helping my brain to learn to re-regulate itself. I learned the stigma and fear of medication are far less important than a well-regulated brain.

What is one thing that you do that you feel has been the biggest contributor to your success so far?

I am a (practically) shame-free zone. I accept people for who they are, as they are. This has helped me to become close with many people.

What is your morning routine?

Sometime between 6 and 6:30, I wake up. My routine is: use the toilet, make my beloved her coffee, take the dogs for a walk, and make a smoothie of 1½ frozen bananas, some kale, about ½ cup of frozen blueberries, a pitted date, a few tablespoons of peanut butter, and some flax, chia, and hemp seeds.

What habit or behavior that you have pursued for a few years has most improved your life?

Regular psychotherapy has helped me to learn to have feelings in real-time and to distinguish between what is mine and what is not.

What are your strategies for being productive and using your time most efficiently?

I have found putting individual tasks on individual index cards has helped me greatly.

What book(s) have influenced your life the most? Why?

Dale Cargenie’s How To Win Friends And Influence People was the first book I read of practical tips about having a better life. The genre hooked me. Ever since I have sought more tools for enjoying life.

Do you have any quotes you live by or think of often?

Attributed to Oscar Wilde: “If you dislike someone, the way they hold their spoon will offend us. If you like them, they could drop a plate of food in your lap, and you wouldn’t mind.”

What’s this mean? Most offense is in our heads.